Monday, 21 October 2013

Why Did I Get Married?

I cried on my wedding day. I'm not ashamed to admit that...

It was a glorious day. Everything slotted into place for what was the best wedding I've ever experienced (of course I'd say that about my own wedding though!). Why was I crying? Why didn't I care that people were watching and there were cameras right in my face? Why was I singing, dancing and shouting with no restraint? Well, God had been too good for me to act all reserved and 'cool' on this big day. It had been such a journey to get here!

From a young age, I always knew I would get married. It's something I saw great value in - to meet the right woman and enter into a life partnership with her grounded on God and commitment. But I went through all my teen years single. Because of the faith and cultural setting I was brought up in, casual dating wasn't really something I did. Teenage crushes came and went and came again without me acting much on them. To be honest, if I had gotten a girlfriend back then, I wouldn't have even known what to do with her. I had little confidence, almost zero swagger, no personal allowance (to spend on dates) and an innocent naiveness on life. 

So how did I go from that Kwesi to this version who is now happily married? There are many contributing factors, but the main one was that I grew up. At the age of 22 I experienced my 1st heartbreak. I met a girl, I liked her and we became close friends...but a relationship never quite formulated. We were in a sort of No Man's Land for a season. It was more than friendship but just short of a relationship. For various reasons it became apparent that we weren't going to see a fruitful long term relationship form and so we decided to end what never was in the 1st place (I hope you follow!).                                    

Bring out the violins!
Anyway, coming out of that experience taught me a lot about myself. I learned that even though I was 22, I was still very much a boy in my mindset. Prior to this point, I had always been on the lookout for 'that special somebody' who was out there for me. I'd been carrying a mental list of all the qualities I would like her to have. But what I had missed was the fact that that this future girlfriend/wife of mine would probably be doing the same thing concerning me. She would be expecting a list of qualities also. I was looking for a finished product of a woman, but had been putting zero effort into working on myself.  So what on earth was she going to benefit when she met me? Absolutely nothing! 
That one hit me right between the eye balls.The next chapter of my life that followed was the Man Up period. I started asking deeper questions like:

- What does it mean to be a man?

- What's my purpose in life and how do I achieve it?
- What are my strengths and weaknesses that have to be worked through?
- What will I have to contribute to my woman's life when I meet her?

My search took me deep. I asked God loads of questions, I listened back to what he was saying, I read loads of books, sought out mentors and did lots of introspection. After some time, I started looking different from the inside out. Now that I had started getting a better grip on these issues, I now had business in the life of the right lady. I already knew my wife throughout this whole period and was friends with her. We never knew we'd end up an item...but at the right time when some of these things had clicked into place then...

POW! (again)
It was love at 500th sight. 

Jenaé and I prayerfully entered into a relationship. Because of junk we had both gone through, we were at a point in our lives where we were looking for a relationship leading to marriage and nothing less. We didn't get married right away. A couple of years followed in which we took our time growing and learning each other. There were ups and downs and unexpected twists, but we stuck at it together. I made mistakes, she made mistakes, we talked things through, we prayed, we kept it moving. 

Me & Jenaé
And then the journey naturally brought us to the place where love caused us to make that decision - do we just stay as we are, or do we go further and make a lifelong commitment before God and our community to join together and continue the journey as one? We loved each other, we were growing in that love, we went through a pre-marital course which only worked to strengthen that conviction and there was a joint vision of things to accomplish in our lives. God ordained marriage as a gift for man and woman to truly enjoy the fullness of all he created a relationship to be. There was no reason NOT to be married. 

So with God's help, we took that step. And that's why I cried, danced and shouted on my wedding day. When you desire something good, but it seems out of arms length for so long and you go through such a life process that transforms you for the better to actually attain it, you can be excused a few tears with jubilant shouting/dancing. 

Shots from the wedding celebration. We went in!!!
Second to getting to meet and know Jesus personally, getting married was the best decision of my life. I will keep working at this relationship with my wife and I hope we're blessed to still have the same view when we're in our old age. 

Jenaé Mills, you are the reason why I got married. 

I'll always love you.

Mr. K  

P.S. - This whole story is fleshed out creatively on my upcoming spoken word music album - My Great Transition. Stay tuned here for more info in the upcoming weeks! :)


  1. awww, this is soooo sweet and deep. Well done, I pray that you will continu to grow in love each day. Both remain bless.

  2. Amen!!!! Keep writing these blogs they're such a blessing :) xxx

  3. This is lovely kwesi. You guys are beautiful together stay blessed x

  4. Wow. Real good advice that I need. Thank you.

  5. so proud of u ,God bless n preserve ur marriage

  6. I am moved by your story. Even me cried on your wedding day☺. You are such a blessing. Looking forward to the new album coming out soon! Stay blessed.

  7. Guys, thanks so much for the responses! Really, we're touched by them. Bless you!

  8. Great piece; and I call it a 'piece' because I know though great and moving, it is only a little part of the entirety of what has been and what will be. Thanks for sharing man. Blessed.

  9. amazing Mr K! Such a blessing!

  10. wow, thats all i can say to this.
    wow again.

  11. Thankyou for sharing, this is beautiful and inspiring. I wanna wish you blessings and fruitfulness in your journey together and in all that you do. Be blessed.

  12. well done to you both. God is proud and saw the sacrifice it took to get where you are now. You both are a testimony of how to do it the RIGHT WAY!! prayerfully and sacrificially, commitment and love to Jesus. Enjoy the awesome present that is marriage.
    love u guys xx